So it begins.

Four Weeks Old

Here it is. The baby blog that so many parents start, and most of them end up letting slide as life happens. If I end up letting it fall by the wayside eventually, no problem, there's grace for that. That's what I have to tell myself when it comes to things like this. There's no pressure, no obligation. It's just here for fun. If it's not fun, then my goodness, don't do it; not worth it.

This will be my outlet for capturing my thoughts and memories from my experience of being Judah's mom. And if friends and family enjoy a peek into that, that is awesome, and you are welcome here. If it's too much for you, no hard feelings. And I mean that, because if I write down even a fraction of what I write daily in my head, it will be a lot. I just need a place to process and express some things from my journey without blowing up the social networks with Judah gushing.

I'm also inspired by reading Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions: A Journal of my Son's First Year, which is a super cool gift I actually got from two of my coolest friends who happen to be moms. Anne Lamott is raw, really raw, so be prepared if you decide to read it. But it's inspiring me to journal/blog more about all of this. At the same time I want to resist having a hoarding mentality about it all. You can get so caught up in trying to remember and hold onto the past that you don't live fully in today - people know that's true about negative past experiences, but I think the same can be true for positive ones, too.

So Judah. I had him a month ago. (I'm working on writing out the birth story. I will post it when it's done. It might be long. And it may not be PG. Don't know yet.) Keith and I still have these little moments where we're like, Oh my gosh, we had a baby - he's lying right over there! He is ours! And I keep reliving the act of pushing him out. It was a little traumatic. But beautiful and deeply spiritual.

So now that he's this great big one-month-old, he and I are interacting a little more, which is so fun. He hasn't voluntarily smiled or laughed yet, but I feel like he gets the urge but just can't quite make it happen, but I can kind of see it in his eyes. It's so exciting when he looks at me and holds my gaze for a moment, or I can tell that he really enjoys certain ways I move him or play with him. Oh, and the little noises. More and more noises that aren't crying - his little voice coming through. I can't wait to hear more of it.

The Moby

I've started using the Moby Wrap quite a bit. He's almost never digging it when I first put him in, so each time I have to remind him that it's awesome, usually with a lot of bouncing up and down until he relaxes and falls asleep. Then he sleeps for a couple hours on me. It's wonderful. This is the fourth trimester. I'm really trying to guard our fourth trimester: lots of rest and closeness, and very little activity or obligation; healing and recovery for my body, growth and nourishment for his.